There’s been a big change in the last week. In Ireland we’ve put our clocks back one hour which means brighter mornings (yey!) but darkness falls from 16:30. It is a time when everything slows down and as winter closes in, there’s more time for reflection,
Last time I wrote about the Brussels Half-Marathon. My plan was to use that run as part of my training for the Dublin City Marathon, held last Monday, 27th October. But it wasn’t to be. Since that day in Brussels there have been more unexpected events. Firstly, it took ages for my body to get back to normal- I walked, jogged, rubbed the achey muscles and slowly got back to normal. Secondly, I’m discovering my new normal. Just like all of us, my normal is different to yours, more so when living with multiple sclerosis. And, just like yours, my ordinary life is full of surprises.
Training has been discontinued. I’ve been out along my usual tracks but the thrill has gone, for now. These dark evenings aren’t great for road running (excuse) but to tell you the truth, I’m afraid of tripping up. But I’m missing the buzz, the clean breathing, the deep sense of connection with the present time, the into-body-experience that comes from exercise. I’m conflicted- there’s the thrill of running, moving along the path, making my way to my favourite bit of earth and then there’s the sensation of falling over and hitting the unforgiving ground.
The only thing harder than training for the Dublin City Marathon has not being able to train for the marathon. I’m an ordinary woman who trained and trained with a marathon in mind, with a vision of what it would be like to run one mile, two miles, three miles… all the way to the 26.2 finish line. But then, Brussels happened.
I’ve not listened, I’ve felt the pain and I’ve taken this body of mine for granted. If I were stronger, if I didn’t have scars, if I ran faster, trained harder would I have made it? Has it has all been for nothing??
A wise woman (my physio) reminded me that having the goal of running the marathon has made me stronger than before, I’ve better muscle tone and am fitter. I also know that my will to try is greater than any feeling of defeat. Feelings pass while my personal will stays with me. I did finish the Brussels run and for now, I will focus on the prize- a healthy body and mind and be grateful what I have.
© Emma Rogan 2014
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