Time is pushing on. As I wander to another day at the office, is it too late? Too late to do that one thing I’ve always wanted to do or be or enjoy? Too late to do anything about it? Too old? Too stuck in my ways? Too limited? Too… MS’ey???
The feeling of missing out, of being in the wrong place at the wrong time or the right place at the wrong time or the wrong person at the wrong time… are familiar to me. There have been times in my life when I’ve desperately wanted to be anywhereelse, to be someoneelse.
Of late, I find peace but I don’t think I have a ‘settled soul’. Not that that’s always a bad thing; it’s spurred me on to discover more about the mystery of staying well and thriving while being told I’m ill. I’ve been on a quest for peace of mind, for feeling good, for emotional joy, for being present, for serenity.
My quest has meant hours of reading nonsense- cleverly disguised as personal development/medical advice/*insert catchy phrase here* – only to throw books at a wall once I came across the author’s declaration on THE one magic pill to cure all ills. Along the way I’ve also stumbled across gems, clarity in the morass of advice, advances and chancers.
These gems are the people who tell me what works for them, experiences without promising the Earth. It is these people that encourage me to take the steps and go the way I never thought I wanted to go. But go I must. Because life never goes smoothly, does not go easy and is not a bed of roses. There are events I’d much prefer not to have experienced, things that have distorted my way of thinking and impacted who I am, where I go and what I do. So what? I’ve got stamina and I won’t give up.
MS- and the sickness and the disability and the label and the inconvenience- is one of the things I often throw against the wall. It’s INFURIATING, messes with my sense of self and pushed me down a path that I didn’t think I would be taking. But it’s here I’ve met the likes of Judy Graham, Jon Kabat Zinn, George Jelinek, Mel Robbins, Aminatou Sow, Ann Friedman, and other famous folks that have made my life richer. Despite the circumstances of our meeting, I can’t change what lead me to them even though I’ve wanted to, so badly. Today, I’ll focus on the treasure I’ve accidentally stumbled across during my quest.